postcount ++

I’m writing because I feel like something needs to be written here. I feel like I can’t leave things in their current state, with my previous entry at the top of my blog. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or am disowning it. I still feel the same way about forums, even though I’m really not mad at the people involved. At least, not anymore.

I was mad at Joy. I felt like I had been kicked, hard. I did not contact her and ask, “Did you just kick me, hard?” I didn’t even think about it and I don’t know why I would have, it seemed plain as day to me. But I think it’s getting worked out now. I’ve cancelled the flaming bag of poop scheduled for her doorstep.

I was never mad at any of the other people involved in that thread on AAAFC. But it is really starting to become clear that there are many ways in which I can’t relate to them. I don’t think it’s because they’re bad or I’m bad. I like them, which just makes this harder. I have some theories about this and I will write about it some other day.


9 Responses to “postcount ++”

  1. 1 Gershom July 30, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    but… DO fit in. I really like you, i will be reading here then.

  2. 2 Possum July 30, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    I think you fit in too.
    I shall keep checking in on you here.
    All adoptees have their own view on their own adoption – and we’re all at various stages in and out of the fog.
    Often our own views may even change as we try to figure stuff out.
    I think we’re just all damaged peoples at times – just trying to work out what the f*ck went on.
    And that’s all totally OK.
    Sometimes we get mad – sometimes we get misunderstood – sometimes we just want to crawl into a ball and hide from the world.
    I think – the more adoptee voices – the better.
    I’m glad your here.
    Poss. xx

  3. 3 suz July 30, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    I have no idea what this is about but I wanted to say two things. As a mom who surrendered her child to the machine, I greatly appreciate your thoughts. As a writer, I enjoy your gift and your voice and finally, as a mom on moms list where moms fight amongst ourselves too, you are not alone.
    Its everywhere.Its not you. Its adoption. Its trauma. Its everyone in different stages.

  4. 4 iBastard July 31, 2007 at 4:23 am

    Just for clarification, I never, ever meant to say anything bad about Joy in this post. What I meant was, for some reason I was absolutely certain that I had understood her a particular way. We’ve talked and she says that’s not what she intended and I trust her and believe her. I was just trying to explain the headspace I was in at the time.

    Also, there never really was a flaming bag of poop scheduled for her doorstep.

  5. 5 joyjoy July 31, 2007 at 6:25 am

    yes it is true, we have made up and I am very happy about that.

    ((((((((((((((((((((((%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% ))))))))))))))))))))

  6. 6 Possum July 31, 2007 at 8:46 am

    smiles from me!!!
    Poss. xxx

  7. 7 Andie D. July 31, 2007 at 5:02 pm

    So does this mean you’ll come back and play? Please? I’ve appreciated your viewpoint on a lot of things. I’m still figuring a lot of stuff out myself. My viewpoints have evolved even over the short time I’ve been involved in the forums.

    Come back.

  8. 8 iBastard August 1, 2007 at 5:13 am

    I think I’m going to take at least a short break from forums. I don’ t think they bring out the best in me.

  9. 9 Nina August 1, 2007 at 5:24 pm

    Was just reading at Joy’s blog about her lack of conflict resolution skills (me too) and then was catching up on YOUR posts and I think the both of you have “made some progress” on the Adoptee Evolution Scale. I’m joking, of course, but it’s cool you both made up.

    And iBastard, every once in a while I need to take a break from forums and my blog, too…because I do tend to get stirred up and have a very hard time NOT taking things personally. Personalization is a big challenge for me. But the worst thing I can say about forums is that I become addicted and productivity goes down the tubes.

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