Childhood’s end.

As best as I can tell, I had a normal childhood for about 85 days. It was about then that I was relinquished, though I still can’t find the exact date. That’s when mom’s husband came back from ‘Nam and they somehow realized that this was just not going to work. Apparently, one of us had to go. Apparently, it was me.

That’s causing me some problems. The fact that they divorced a few years later isn’t really any comfort, either.

Things were different then. I know this. And the fact is, she had been planning to give me away before I was born. The whole adoption machine was wound up and poised for the snatch. Then after I was born she changed her mind. She kept me, leaving the adoption machine with a colossal case of blue balls.

What a heart warming story that would be if we could end it right there. She would probably tell it to me every year on my birthday. “…because when I looked into your eyes, I knew I loved you too much to ever give you away, no matter what. And I still do.” “Awww, I love you too, Mom.” We hug. Cue sappy music and fade to credits.

Like I said, things were different then. Maybe she thought it would be impossible to raise me on her own. Or maybe the agency (and/or her husband) kept telling her that until she believed them. Maybe. What I do know is that she did wind up raising kids on her own, later. Maybe she couldn’t bear the pain of adoption again. Maybe she’d been on her own enough to know that it was possible, after all. Maybe living closer to her family she didn’t feel so isolated and cut off from any kind of support. Maybe.

Whatever the case, as if there was some kind of 90 day free trial that was about to expire, calls were made and papers were signed and the adoption machine finally got to shoot its little wad of joy into my adoptive parents’ house less than three months later.

Childhood’s over when you leave the nest.


3 Responses to “Childhood’s end.”

  1. 1 joy21 June 17, 2007 at 7:09 pm

    I really love your blog

  2. 2 Julie June 17, 2007 at 7:35 pm

    “Childhood’s over when you leave the nest.”

    Wow. Yeah. Mine certainly was, and I only had nine months and a minute of it. I love the way you write, your imagery. I am so glad you are doing it for all to read. Thank you.

  3. 3 Possum June 18, 2007 at 1:41 am

    Just found you – with a little help from Julie & Joy.
    Look forward to reading through your posts.
    (Aussie adoptee)

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